Three Free Assassinations – Part 1

Over my life I’ve come to hear enough conspiracy theories to believe that each American President gets three free assassinations, no questions asked. From the day of their inauguration they need only to write a name on a napkin, pass it to the correct CIA agent and the person meets with an ‘accident’. While it’s disturbing to think that this might actually be the case, it makes me wonder which three people Australia would be most improved without.

The first one strikes me as a no brainer, and I’d be scribbling his name the instant I was sworn in. My ASIO henchman would be immediately dispatched to the home of the Honorable Tony Abbott MP. Certainly Australia and maybe the world would be a better place without this ultra conservative religious zealot. He’s on the record as being anti-abortion, anti-trade unions, has reduced spending on the PBS, made insensitive comments about aboriginals and on mental health (specifically kicking John Brogden while he was down). He has also been outspoken on restricting gay marriage under the guise of protecting ‘family values’. In short, I would despise living in the society he envisions, and so I assume would millions of other Australians. I’m surprised that a man with such incendiary views has risen to the top of the political tree – and could one day lead this country. The quicker he’s wearing concrete shoes, the better.