If the great Charles Darwin was a bogan, he still would've to be tempted to perform a little of what I like to call 'divine evolution' (Did you mean: genocide) once a year, in a little place in country NSW called Bathurst. Every year in October the God of Mt Panorama awakens from his drunken coma, climbs off his sister, dons his best Ford dressing gown and cracks open a hair-of-the-dog VB. Then, like worker bees summoned by their queen only with less capacity for autonomous thought, bogans in their tens of thousands hear the call of the tinny and descend on the mountain, eager to stake out the space from which they'll see all the action. Or at least the squillionth of a second each car is visible... "Did anyone see the number on that one?? I think it was Skaifey! What an athlete he is!". Are these guys serious? Clearly they're a few octane points short of premium when they call this a sport, with the participants 'Athletes'. Sure they hop out of their little mobile saunas all hot and sweaty, much like Clinton leaving the oval office or our adversary John Howard on return from his morning constitutional. But sweating at work does not equal athlete any more than being alive means you should be allowed to breed, as each of our 60000 'Motorsport' loving subjects are testament.
Eventually, after exhausting our catalogue of taped episodes of 'A Current Affair' and 'Today Tonight', we see the winner on the podium. What a hero. What a day. "The best race ever!" they exclaim, without even needing to add "except the ones Brockie won" because everyone knows that's what they mean. This bloke (who gets paid ludicrous sums to drive a car) managed to negotiate the same track 160-odd times without a new wall sneaking up on him. Someone get some ice for his accelerating foot! Let us lift that champagne lest you injure those million dollar steering arms...
Spare me. Spare us all. That's exactly what this administration will be doing when we outlaw motor racing. No doubt you the voting public are eagerly awaiting our position on law enforcement, education, healthcare and tax to name a few. Well watch this space, but in the meantime take our your blackest, most permanent marker, and cross motor racing off your respective lists.
2 comments:
I think you underestimate the possibilities and opportunities the Bathurst race gives your regime. On the weekend where most of the country is glued to their TV screens, too pissed or hyped-up on junk food to care, you could plan a coup, take over a small island nation (New-Zealand is nice at this time of the year) or introduce any half baked policy and have it buried in a newscast that no one watches, like SBS. Come Monday morning as the hang-over haze of 20 million Aussies finally clears, it would be too late to have anyone object. You could plan the same of Sandown V8 race, the Indy cars on the Gold Coast and the Formula 1 cars in Melbourne...
By your own admission, you just alienated 60000 voters!
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